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Unknown Feelings Ch. 1

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Confused Feelings – Chapter 1

Maka was making breakfast like she always did in the morning. Soul for some reason was asleep still. Usually when she makes bacon he is right behind her wanting her to give him a piece. Just like a dog. But every time she would swat him away and say "no." ,he then would grumble something and go sit on the couch.
But he was still asleep. And the bacon was almost done. She was worried about him. Then she goes to his door and knocks. There was no answer. She cracks the door open a little to see the sun hitting his face. He was lying on his side with his arm hanging off the bed with a comic book in his hands. Why couldn't he read any real books? But to him chapter books were uncool to read. She slowly walked closer to him about to wake him up. But stopped and looked at his face. She couldn't believe how handsome he looked with the sun in his face. What was she even thinking? She can't like Soul she couldn't trust any guy with her heart. She was afraid that what happened to her mother would happen to her if she did. But she also knew that Soul would never do that to someone. He tells her that cheating is really uncool thing to do. She could trust him and she knew that. She was just afraid to accept that she has...
...fallen for him.

Maka who was still in a trance didn't notice her partner's eyes starting to flicker open. When he saw Maka he jumped a little and had noticed her looking down at the floor. He also noticed that her eyes had a couple of tears in them. He was worried about her also. He then sat up on his elbows and called her name. She didn't respond to her name so he said it louder. That snapped her out of it. "Huh", she said quietly looking into his eyes. "Are you okay Maka?" "Yeah I'm fine" "are you sure, you can always talk to me you know…" Soul said that but Maka had to quickly change the subject. She thought of how she left the bacon cooking. That would defiantly change the subject. "Oh! I forgot to take the bacon off of the stove!" she quickly stated and then ran out of his room. Soul just sat there and wondered why his miester was acting that way. He wanted to go back to sleep but he smelled bacon and decided to get up. He went and took a shower then got dressed. When he finally got into the kitchen Maka wasn't there. He yelled her name and looked all over the apartment. But then found a letter on the counter from Maka. It said:

Soul,

I went ahead early because I need to study more before our test today. I left you breakfast on the counter for you. Sorry if the bacons a little burnt. Oh and I forgot to mention to you last night about me going over to tsubaki's house today. See you at school.

Maka

Soul was really worried about her now. He kept hoping that she is okay. After he ate he left the apartment and locked the door. He then walked down the stairs to his motorcycle. He started it and drove off to go to the academy to talk to Maka about what had happened this morning. Maka was already in the classroom reading a book when he got there. He sat down beside her and tried to get her attention, but she just ignored him. He kept on trying though. When he didn't get any responses from her he gave up. He laid his head on the desk and ended up falling asleep. When he had woken up black star was shaking him. He looked at black star confused. "What?" black star said in a confused voice. Soul started looking around the room and asked, "Where's Maka?" "With tsubaki" "oh, yeah I forgot" "want to play some hoops" "Shure" Soul said as the both walked out smiling. It was really late now and they had played five games in a row. Of course Black Star won all of the games played. But he had to leave or Maka would hit him hard with a 'Maka chop' for being later then he already was.

When he parked his bike he noticed all of the lights were off. Hopefully Maka was asleep and he didn't have to get his head bashed tonight. He quietly walked up the stairs and unlocked the door. He got inside without making a sound. Put his shoes in the spot where Maka always yells at him to put them. He started quickly walking to his room when he noticed Maka's room door was open. She looked so peaceful when sleeping. The moonlight was on her head. Her face was towards the window. Soul wished he could see her face. Then she stirred and he flinched. But she just laid there motionless. Soul wants to see her face badly. So he walked over to the end of her bed and looked at her face. 'She is so beautiful' he thought. She rolled onto her back and Soul walked to her side. His heart started to beat fast. He had no clue on what was happening to him. She had some hair in her face so he brushed it away and rubbed her cheek. When he did that she said "so~ul" He smiled warmly at her and left her room to go to bed.

Chapter One- End
okay, im finally able to upload my stories!!!
i would have been able to upload alot more if my computer didn't rebut a couple weeks ago deleting all my stories!!!
but i'll be trying to re- type it all, which is a pain in my butt...
but oh~ well...
oh, and let me know if i should keep going with the storie or not...
enjoy!!!
lolz XD


i do not own the anime soul eater, or it characters...
© 2012 - 2024 blackmistress1
Comments98
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Littlegolddandelion's avatar
I like your writing style, but there are three things that I can offer some critisism on:
1. Your punctuation needs a bit of work. I found some sentences that needed a lot more punctuation, and when I read them I was confused. After re-reading the phrase I realized what you had meant, but by then the impact was lost. I also noticed some sentences that needed to be smooshed together by a coma or semi colon. Having a simple sentence and then a complex one makes for a more interesting writing structure, but when you keep on having sentences with just one phrase, it gets very tiresome to read. Overall, your comma use could be better. It gives people voice when they read side-comments, and it adds the attitude you were going for in this piece. Example:

Instead of: "Soul for some reason was asleep still."

Write: "Soul, for some reason, was still asleep."
(I don't know why you wrote the still after the asleep. Maybe it was a typo, but it didn't really sound poetic as much as like a mistake. I don't know, I guess word placement adds interest to a sentence, but I don't think it really did anything useful in that particular phrase...)

2. The emotions were a bit cliché. The whole chapter felt a bit rushed, and I thought you could have dragged the day on a bit longer. When Soul was trying to get Maka's attention, I felt like you should have added a bit of mental dialog, instead of just suggesting what he was thinking of at the time.

3. Why did you go to a new line in the letter to Soul, but not for new dialogue? I think it would look a bit cleaner and less confusing if you went to a new line for every piece of dialogue. Though, every writer has their own way, so do what you want, just be a bit more consistant.

I really liked this chapter, and I wait eagerly for the next one. You did a great job, and I like your writing style.

Keep Writing!

-K